I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am