Yo dont text me then not text me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.