You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.