He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys