I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
nutella sex= disaster
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do