I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wipe that smile off your face.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants