yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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