I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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