Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
