dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
