Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
