I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
