you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
