I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
