I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
