SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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