i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
