I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
