Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
