I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize