it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
