Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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