whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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