i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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