the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
