The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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