the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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