forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
