my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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