I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
