Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
