There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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