I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
