How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
