i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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