Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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