just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
