Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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