I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
