I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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