My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
