Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
