Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
