i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
