I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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