You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
