I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We are all done wearing pants today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
