it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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