The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
