Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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