his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
