guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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