I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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