I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
