i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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