I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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