Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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