I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
