Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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