You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
