we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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