It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
