would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are we still banned from the library?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
