When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
