You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
