I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
