i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
